What You’re Getting Wrong About Meditation
There is an interesting paradox happening with the topic of meditation. This is a practice that is supposed to help us feel more grounded, relaxed, and reduce stress, but the reality is that we build up certain expectations about what it’s supposed to look like and then judge ourselves if we don’t meet those expectations.
Cue the guilt, frustration and not-relaxed feelings. Doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense now, does it?
It doesn’t have to be this way! Keep reading below to learn about some different ways you can get into a meditative state.
There isn’t a “wrong” way. Really. So get the idea out of your head that you’re “doing it wrong,” or “can’t do it,” or “meditation is NOT for me!” Traditionally, people think that meditation means you sit down for a long time, close your eyes, and “clear your mind.” That’s an unrealistic expectation, so of course it would be difficult, especially for beginners. It’s more helpful to notice your thoughts as they come, and notice what’s happening in your body, your mind, etc.
The point is to create the stillness and pause that you normally wouldn’t with our busy lives so that all of this can come to the surface. Over time, you get better and better at allowing these thoughts and sensations to come and then go. You can build up a tolerance for discomfort or stress.
You can do also do guided meditations, breathwork, focus on a mantra or phrase, but again, this is similar in structure to the free form insight meditation above, where you sit and close your eyes. BUT, that kind of meditation isn’t for everyone.
You don’t have to be seated if you’ve tried it and are frustrated or just the thought of sitting for any stretch makes you go bonkers.
Here are just a few different examples of how you can get into a meditative state, where the goal is to focus on something and train the mind to filter out outside clutter, leading to more calm:
1. Walking or running.
2. Working with your hands, for example, in the garden, woodworking, sculpting.
3. Creating art.
4. Cooking or baking.
5. Playing.
6. Making music.
What other ideas can you think of? If you stop and think about it, you may already have activites that you’ve done in the past that relax you, help you to focus, or bring about a slightly altered state where you can manage stress in ways that you wouldn’t otherwise. Try them out and pay attention to how you feel afterwards. This is the added bonus of being more mindful. Meditation is not a one-size-fits-all practice. Try out different things and do what works for you!
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How to Use Gratitude to Improve Your Mood
Gratitude seems to be one of those buzzwords floating around these days with increasing popularity. Whether you actively practice expressing gratitude, have tried a few writing prompts in a gratitude journal, or roll your eyes at the coffee mugs or wall hangings with reminders to be thankful when you’re out shopping, the truth is that expressing gratitude has some major benefits.
Gratitude has an inherent prosocial quality to it — just think of when you’re out and about. Basic politeness can go a long way in how your errands may go and saying “thank you” when someone holds open a door, helps you out with something, or wishes you a nice day can make both parties feel good. On the other hand, if you do something for another and they don’t express gratitude, that can sting and may impact the way you feel or behave afterwards for a while.
Research shows that those who express gratitude enjoy improved health, sleep, empathy, mental health, and reduced rates of aggression as well (Morin 2014, Forbes).
It can be easy to notice the things you’re grateful for when you’re feeling the warm fuzzies and all is well in your world. This is actually true for a lot of coping skills or self-care habits. The key, however, is being able to do these things when we aren’t feeling so great. This is when these tools, like expressing gratitude, can really help.
When you’re really feeling down, depressed or overwhelmed, it can feel like nothing is going right. And when we think nothing is going right, it can be tough to shift your mindset out of that headspace.
Here are a few ideas on how to cultivate gratitude even when it feels like there isn’t much for which we can be grateful in the moment:
1. Start with the basics. Look around you. Are you in a warm, dry space? Do you have electricity and running water? Food? These questions aren’t meant to minimize or deny your problems or bad mood, but getting down to the basics can really be a great jumping off point to begin to notice the things that are actually going right that you didn’t notice or may have taken for granted. Once you begin to express gratitude for these types of things, it becomes easier to notice other things and you can really ramp up from there. Soon enough, you’ll have a decent list of things to be grateful for, and your mood may lift.
2. Create a regular habit. This can be as simple as a daily list of 3 items that you write down either in the morning or in the evening for which you’re thankful. Experiment to see which time of day works better for you. Maybe doing so in the morning is a good way to start your day on a positive note. For others, writing a gratitude list at the end of a long or stressful day is more helpful to change your mood before going to sleep.
3. Look to who’s around you. If you’ve already tried the above, you’ve gotten bored of the same routine, or find that the same items are showing up on your list over and over, try focusing on people in your life and find a way to express what they mean to you. You could text, email, or write a card to them if telling them face-to-face isn’t your thing, and the benefit is they’ll have something to keep that they can refer back to that will bring a smile to their face as well.
These are just a few tips of how to implement a gratitude practice to help shift your perspective and improve your mood. It doesn’t take much time or energy to get started, and just a few moments a day can really help.
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7 Ways to Tap in to Your Intuition
“My Spidey senses are telling me…”
“Just trust your gut.”
“Something told me I should’ve…”
Do any of these phrases sounds familiar? Most of us have a sense of what intuition is, even if we can’t define it with words. Some may experience it as an inner knowing, while others a bodily wisdom, guidance from Spirit, or creative inspiration.
However it may show up, the truth is that everyone has it. But with the hustle and bustle of modern life, it can feel increasingly difficult to find yours.
It whispers. It floats in like a wisp of smoke. A faint flash of color. It LOOOOVES to play hard-to-get and revels in subtleties.
Intuition is an important guiding force in our lives. It can protect us from danger. Point us in exciting new directions. Confirm what you already knew/thought/felt about that person.
And for some people, their intuition has been covered up or hidden away for various reasons, whether they were taught early on not to express or trust their feelings, had their creativity or imaginations stifled or ridiculed, or were conditioned to rely only on external sources of information.
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Here are 7 ways to begin to tap in to your intuition:
1. SlowDown
First and foremost, you must create the space and stillness in your life to be able to notice what comes in. Give yourself a little time each day to check in with yourself.
2. Be curious
An idea pops into your head. Don’t immediately dismiss it as silly or that you “made it up.” A feeling floods your gut. “This doesn’t feel right.” Be curious - what is my body trying to tell me? Often our bodies have access to information that we ignore, rationalize away, or even try to cover up. Don’t. Instead, be curious. Invite more information.
3. Trust
The more you trust the messages you receive, the more you’ll pave the way for additional information to come to you.
4. Meditate
A regular meditation practice can be very helpful in honing your intuition. These can be free-form or guided meditations. Feel free to experiment to find what works for you. The goal is not to completely clear your mind; rather, you want to allow what comes in and in whatever form it takes. You may visualize images, you may hear sounds or words, or you may feel sensations in your body. Many people experience a combination of these.
5. Connect with nature
Getting outside in nature (however you can, including nearby parks) is a great way to practice mindfulness, minimize distractions, and connect to yourself as you connect to the natural world around you.
6. Move: Get a change of scenery
Have you ever noticed that you get ideas or solve problems while you’re out jogging, on a hike, at the gym, or even in the shower? This is because you’ve shifted your mind’s focus from being overly analytical or obsessing about an issue to focusing more on a physical task or are doing something else entirely. This frees up space for you to allow inspiration to strike and thus notice when your intuition is speaking up.
7. Practice visualization
Guided imagery exercises can be helpful in enhancing your visualization skills. Get to know your style of how you visualize when your eyes are closed. Do you get flashes of images? Colors? Lights? Scenes playing out like a movie? Everyone’s style is different. You can get acquainted by what certain things mean or symbolize for you by asking clarifying questions. Some people don’t visualize, and that’s ok. You may have a different skill that the steps above can help you find!
Setting the intention to tap in to your intuition will help set the stage as you begin to notice the information, signs, and feelings you experience on a more subtle level. This subtle information can become stronger and easier to perceive with consistent practice.
Your inner wisdom is ready and waiting for you to ask it to help guide the way.
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5 Tips to Create More Time for What you Really Want
Time. That oh so precious resource
“I wish I could exercise, but I just don’t have the time.”
“I miss my friends/family but don’t have time to see them.”
“I need to eat healthier but don’t have time to cook.”
“I would love to take up photography but I don’t know where I’d fit that in.”
And on and on we go.
Time is the only thing in the entire universe that nobody, regardless of wealth, skill, ability, or luck can create more of or manipulate. You can’t buy, steal, or borrow more of it if you don’t have enough. We are theoretically all on equal footing with 24 hours in a day, yet many people complain about not having enough time to be able to really do what they want while others find ways of making it work on their side.
But is it true that we can’t “create” more time?
How is it that there are some people who seem like they’ve managed to figure it all out as they magically balance work, families, hobbies, exercise, AND a social life while you struggle to maintain a schedule that leaves any breathing room?
It CAN be done.
People who are successful in having more of what they want in their lives find creative ways of making it work, and you may need to change some habits and your mindset about certain things to get it done.
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How to “Make” More Time in Your Life:
1. Prioritize the things you want to add to your life
None of this will work if you don’t mentally commit to the thing(s) you want. If it’s important to you and you really want to do it, you can find a way.
2. Evaluate your time suckers and eliminate or shorten them
Look at what your days are like. How much time are you spending mindlessly doing things such as watching TV or scrolling through social media? 20 minutes down the Internet rabbit hole could be 20 minutes of sketching, time outdoors, meditating, cooking, or chatting with a friend over coffee. And if it’s more than 20 minutes? Yay! You just found yourself even more time to DO THAT THING that you really want to do.
3. Consider rearranging your schedule
Are there certain times of the day better suited to the activities you’d like to incorporate? For example, waking up 45 minutes earlier may be a good idea so that you have time to write, journal, or meditate before others in the home wake up. Or heading straight to the gym after work a couple times a week so you can get in a workout before going home to family duties.
See if you can move a couple of things around in your schedule, even if it’s tight. And waking up earlier will just add more time to your day, anyway, so this will likely help.
4. Combine certain activities when possible
There are times when you can combine activities, such as cooking or folding laundry while watching TV or listening to a podcast or audiobook; a little exercise or artwork during your lunch break; or gardening and talking to a loved one on speakerphone. While not the most mindful approach to doing things, combining some activities can help you get more done and leave a little extra breathing room.
5. Delegate!
This one may be hard for you if you’re one of those who likes most things done a certain way, but teaching your 6th grader to do laundry and learning to be “ok” with the results can go a long way in creating a little more time for yourself. Trusting your partner to do the grocery shopping can give you time to go to that class you’ve been wanting to check out.
Sometimes you can get in your own way by having to do everything when really, delegating would be a great way to go. You’d be instilling faith and trust in others to do things to contribute while also allowing more time to do things that bring you more joy.
While there are only 24 hours in a day, it is possible to add more fun or fulfilling things to your life, especially if you are willing to be creative and think outside the box. It may take a willingness to let go of the way you’ve done things before and to challenge your mindset about what “has” to get done when VS. what can wait or be delegated.
If some of these tips can lead to a little more time in your day or week for you to incorporate something that you love, it’s well worth it.
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10 Tips for Rejuvenating Yourself
Being “productive” is such a common value nowadays that you may feel pressure to always get things done to the point of not resting or honoring your body when it’s sick. You may be thinking, “I don’t have time to rest!” or “There’s so much to do, I have to work through dinner.” Day in and day out.
If you just go-go-go all the time without slowing down and allowing for rest or “being lazy” at times, you could eventually burn out, compromise your immune system, and negatively impact your sleep and mood. The negative effects of stress on health and well-being are commonly known.
Here are 10 ideas on how you can rejuvenate yourself when you’re feeling depleted.
1. Slow down. Close your eyes, meditate, or close the door. A few minutes a day can make a difference.
2. Breathe deeply. When’s the last time you took a few minutes to pay attention to your body? What does it need right now?
3. Exercise. This may seem counter-intuitive, but when we’re sluggish, moving can help us to gain some energy and release endorphins as a bonus.
4. Rest when your body or mind is telling you it’s tired or overwhelmed.
5. Set boundaries with others and with yourself. Be clear on what others can expect from you concerning when or how you’ll be accessible. Give yourself time to unplug from your devices to clear your mind.
6. List and really evaluate your To Do items. How do you determine what is given priority and does that need to change?
7. Laugh!
8. Examine your “shoulds” and where they come from. Are they impacting your well-being? Maybe they aren’t as important as you once thought.
9. See if you can give yourself a few moments of relaxation or rest every day, however you’re able to within your schedule.
10. Reconnect with nature. Get outside when you can. Leave your phone in your car, purse, or pocket.
If you’re feeling stressed, overwhelmed or depleted, therapy can help you identify ways you can balance things out and take care of yourself. If you’d like more information or have some feedback, please reach out to us at Lara@HealTheHurt.com